Friday, October 17, 2008

How the hell do you pronounce "Vyvanse," anyway?

Edited 11/17/08 to add this N.B.: Welcome! I have no freaking clue how to pronounce Vyvanse; personally, I say "viv-VANTZ," but whatever floats your boat. I tried the stuff for a month after having some afternoon wear-off issues with Focalin, and I cannot overemphasize how much VYVANSE SUCKED FOR ME; I could barely get out of bed, much less leave the house to get stuff done, and basic tasks like cooking dinner (or, gulp, showering) became these huge, unapproachable monsters that I avoided like crazy. I'm now back on the Focalin and feeling a lot better. For the part of this entry that actually covers my Vyvanse experience, see the final four paragraphs. For valuable layperson perspective on psych drugs, go read CrazyMeds, or The Trouble with Spikol, or if I may be so bold, some of my very own entries, helpfully labeled "drugs" and/or "therapy." For professional advice, ASK YOUR SHRINK, for crying out loud.

I finally understand this Twitter thing, I think. (Although if I ever sign up, I will never, ever refer to anything I post as a "tweet." That's just silly.) I believe the popularity is because of how FAST it must be to post something that little. Because unless you are doing a one-off entry, like "Hey, go watch these
[choose one: adorable/grumpy/furry/scary/disgusting/ninja]
[choose one: lorises/babies/otters/bears/cats/candidates for executive office]
[choose one: sniff for a sandwich/dance with Ellen/hold hands/get caught lying/eat lemons/act stoned/fatefully fingerquote/creep stealthily]
on YouTube," it takes freaking forever to write something and settle on it. Or it takes me forever, anyway.

I've been trying to leave comments places where it seems relevant and appropriate to do so, and to even summarize a quick little anecdote, recapturing maybe 90! freakin'! seconds! of conversation, I have to fiddle with it, hit preview, change something, hit preview again, fix it so the entire thing is not italicized, preview to make sure it took, blah dee blah blah blah. I do almost everything the roundabout way, but sheesh.

And if it takes that long to write up talk that people actually uttered, how long does it take a novelist to make it up completely? I heard an author talking on NPR years ago about how he had tried to write fiction and got stuck on how hard it was to get a character successfully across a room. That would be me. (Also, hello? My life is not goofmoid enough, I have to go making shit up? Iiiii don't think so.)

I've had kind of a strange week. I'd noticed recently that at the end of the day--unfortunately for my spouse, it was usually right when he was getting home from work--that for no reason I'd suddenly start feeling weepy. I'd be at the produce stand, or on my way home from getting milk, and blam-o. I'm pretty mood-swingy anyway, which is probably why it took me a long time to discern an actual pattern. Like if I'm in the car and "Gypsy" comes on the radio? It wouldn't be out of character at all for me to cry then. What made me take notice was the fact that I could be having a perfectly good day and ZOT--I'd suddenly feel like crying.

So I mentioned this when I saw my shrink last week, and she suggested we try a different ADD med, one with an easier transition from day to evening, and I started it Monday morning. I spent most of this week sitting in front of this computer, looking at blogs, and trying to write for this one. And I'd look up and it'd suddenly be four in the afternoon and I hadn't showered yet. I can't believe it's Friday already.

In my experience, futzing with meds is like walking a tightrope. Without a net. Over a pit filled with alligators. This is the first time I've ever been able to just switch something out, instead of having to titrate down on the old med and gradually phase in the new one. It's slightly less weird this way, and yet. On Wednesday SB [Sugar Bear, or Spouse of Bring] came home and, like clockwork, I was in a strange place mood-wise. I started mewling, "M-m-snorrrk maybe it was a dumb idea to change my medications this close to Ha-Hal-snifffonnnk-Halloween."

Because on Halloween, or maybe a day or so before that, I am going to find out my bar results.

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